Ex-Muslim Woman Fears She Will Be Honor Killed By Former Husband

Where Islam goes, oppression and death follows.

(CNN) -- Zara married for love, against her family's wishes, more than a decade ago in the Middle East. Shortly after the marriage, she and her husband, along with their two children, moved to Britain for work. There, she says, her husband began to drink, heavily. He became violent, holding a knife to her throat, she says.

"He started raping me, which affected me mentally, lots of stress and the relationship between me and my sons. I couldn't speak out because I learned that to speak out against your husband to anyone outside, it is big shame."

"So, I was struggling between eastern culture with what I learned and western culture where I should live freedom, equality, justice. I found it difficult."

She still finds it difficult. Zara is not her real name. She spoke to CNN on condition of anonymity, saying she fears for her life.

During her marriage, she says, the violence continued. She showed CNN police reports she eventually filed, but she decided not to pursue a case, and her husband was never charged. Roughly eight years into the marriage, she ran away and met another man. She decided to ask for a divorce.

"I told him I want a divorce. I don't want to cheat on you. The relationship is broken. I said, all I want is relationship with my sons."

She says her husband initially agreed but insisted they both go back to their home in the Middle East, to explain to their families.

"He gathered all his family in his house. And I was shocked to see 60 or 70 people at his house. His mother called me by very bad names. She called me a prostitute in front of my sons.

"I remember when my mother-in-law looked at my face and held my sons in her hands, big hands. She told me: 'My son is a doctor. You should hold your head up. Who are you to cheat on my son? Who are you?'

"After that, she told me: 'I will look after them, you don't deserve to be a mother. And my sons were looking at me.'"

Then, Zara says, her husband issued a death sentence, calling her father in the neighboring town, demanding she be killed for dishonoring her family -- an "honor" murder.

"He told my father, if you are a man, clean your shame. If you are a man, kill your daughter."

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